These are the most bonkers things Americans have ever said about Australia (to me, an Aussie living in the States).
Americans have some weird ideas… like refusing to pay a living wage and metal detectors in schools.
It doesn’t stop at the border either. After almost five years living stateside, these are the most bizarre things people have ever said to me about Australia; a place they largely think is full of drunk kangaroos boxing in the street.
1. What month is it in Australia right now?
Yeah, you know, since the seasons are opposite? This is said without even a pinch of sarcasm.
2. You’ve probably never had good wine before, huh?
I won’t name names but there’s a certain Australian vino sold in every supermarket, petrol station and pharmacy here. It’s named for a coloured appendage and has resulted in most Americans thinking Australian wine tastes like battery acid. I tell them they couldn’t be more wrong but they just stare at me then awkwardly push a Foster’s across the bar. No word of a lie; they really do sell wine in pharmacies here. And cigarettes.
3. You speak pretty good English for an Australian
Mate. I know I talk a bit like a bogan but what language do you think we speak? Austrian. They think we speak AUSTRIAN.
5. I hear it’s 100 degrees there all year round?
So, 100 degrees Fahrenheit is almost 38 degrees Celsius. Americans are always surprised to learn you can go skiing in Australia.
6. Is your dad basically that crocodile guy?
My dad was born in Croatia. He looks more like Freddy Mercury than Steve Irwin. In fact, 7.6 million – or a full 30 per cent – of Australia’s population was born overseas, so relatively few of us look like Crocodile Dundee, Chris Hemsworth or Margot Robbie. I, for instance, look like a potato wearing a wig.
5. I hear it’s 100 degrees there all year round?
So, 100 degrees Fahrenheit is almost 38 degrees Celsius. Americans are always surprised to learn you can go skiing in Australia.
6. Is your dad basically that crocodile guy?
My dad was born in Croatia. He looks more like Freddy Mercury than Steve Irwin. In fact, 7.6 million – or a full 30 per cent – of Australia’s population was born overseas, so relatively few of us look like Crocodile Dundee, Chris Hemsworth or Margot Robbie. I, for instance, look like a potato wearing a wig.
7. I heard the government took your guns away?
Wow, no. We demanded it. And we haven’t had a mass shooting since. In fact, Australia has one of the lowest crime rates in the world, so maybe you should have appropriated our gun laws instead of our Ugg boots?
8. What the f#*k is a cleansing ale?
Bush medicine, mate.
9. I’m so jealous, you must have hugged so many koala bears!
As a city dweller I have never – never – seen a koala in the wild. Not to mention they’re not bears. And they all have chylamydia. I wouldn’t hug one if you put a bow on it and called it Camembert.
10. Do you know Nick Snell? He’s Australian?
Despite the fact our country is roughly the same geographical size as theirs, they always want to know if you’re friends with this one guy they once met on a Contiki Tour back in 2003? The annoying thing is I do know Nick Snell. He’s my brother-in-law.
11. What’s a Canberra? Is that a car?
My hometown comes up in convos from time to time. Not one person has ever heard of it. One guy thought it was a Ford.
12. I hear your toilets are backwards and half empty?
This comes from two seperate Americanisms: that one episode of The Simpsons where they imply the Coriolis effect makes our loos swirl backwards; and the fact toilet bowls in the US are shaped differently giving them a much higher base water level. Firstly, Coriolis really only affects large things, like storms. And secondly, there’s this environmentally nifty Australian invention known as the ‘dual flush’. You should look into it.
13. Do you all start surfing when you’re toddlers?
I, an Australian, have never surfed. I’m largely terrified by the ocean and am content to look at it out of a window. From my parent’s house at 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
14. I’d love to go to Australia but I don’t want to die
This is unlikely helped by the fact I’ll tell anyone who’ll listen about keeping an eye out for drop bears and how huntsman will run across your face while you’re sleeping. Alas, you’re actually more likely to be killed by our sun, but of course that doesn’t make for a great story… Welcome to Oz, I guess?!
Written by: Emma Markezic
This article was originally published on Escape.